she looked like the before picture.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
