So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
