I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
