my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
