is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
soo... how was my night?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
