Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
