My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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