you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The struggles of a small town man whore
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
