I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
