I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
