Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
