So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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