my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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