and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize