So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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