Kiss
Puke
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
