Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
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We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
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He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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