I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
