ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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