yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
