hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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