I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
