Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
