I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
