hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
