Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
