That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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