is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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