I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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