he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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