You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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