I wish my penis had an off switch
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
