My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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