In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
