just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
