this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
