He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
