i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
