connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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