ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
