when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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