I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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