That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
