Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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