I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize