I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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