No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
