drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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