just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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