ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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