Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
