thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
