so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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