my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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