He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize