dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
