We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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