overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
