I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
