Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
