wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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