seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
