16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
