After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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