Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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