I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
