I can text with my tongue
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
