hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
