What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
